Powerfrau

“We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” ― The Buddha

It was the end of the 20th century when I first heard the word “Powerfrau”. This is a German expression describing a woman who is successful, ambitious and holds a position of authority or influence. She is on par with the alpha males. Today is International Women’s Day, so let’s contemplate a bit on the word and what it means to us. My experience comes from the two decades I’ve spent in one of the most macho industries, IT. In this post, you won’t find any bullet points. It’s more meant to be inspiring and thought-provoking with a ton of questions. It’s time for an introspective deep dive.

Think about women casually standing beside the coffee machine. What is your first thought? What could they talk about? Now imagine the same thing with men. What comes to your mind? What could be the topic they’re discussing? Raise your hand if you don’t think that in the first situation, the women are talking about kids, cooking, or clothing; and in the second situation, the men are talking about some serious business. If you just raised your hand, then you belong to the minority. Famous beliefs that are still floating around: “Men talk business, women only gossip.” and “When women talk, it's called «gossip», when men talk, it's called «attention to detail».” These prejudices have deep roots.

You observe a meeting with both men and women. There is some heated discussion about a topic. Which gender would you expect to argue more vehemently? Check the verbal expressions, the volume, the gestures, and the body language. Is there a difference between the two genders? Do you judge the men and the women differently? We tend to look up to men arguing forcefully about their opinions. The range of verbal and non-verbal tools they can use to convince the other party is wide. We tend to look down on women doing the same since they’re contradicting our social conditioning. When using the same range of persuasive tools, women are often labeled as being aggressive and masculine. I know for sure that I have been characterized as aggressive a couple of times over the years when I stood up for myself. That’s why I often hesitate how to express myself to get my message across without coming through as too harsh. I’m constantly judging how the other party might perceive my style. I have to be way more careful in selecting my communication style when I speak up for any cause: I’m walking a fine line between not being persuasive enough and being stigmatized as being too aggressive.

IT is a very rational business. I studied computer science, so I have a solid basis to understand and participate in architectural discussions or try to catch the gist of a complex problem. I also like rational reasons and can argue for my opinion in a discussion. But humans are not so much rational, they’re more rationalizing. We approach every situation and challenge with an effort to stay coherent with our beliefs, fears, and prejudices. In this process, it’s easy to miss noticing the needs of others and empathize with them. It’s easy to arrive at a solution that fits my personal preferences but it might be worse when examining from a bigger, more human context. Bringing this perspective to the table is more of a feminine trait, but is often frowned upon by men. In day-to-day discussions, I often highlight these softer aspects of a situation to get a more holistic view and support making a better decision.

Let’s assume you have two candidates with similar backgrounds, personalities, knowledge, and skills. Both are a great fit for the single opening you have. One is a man with a family (wife, children), and the other is a woman with a family (husband and children). Which one will you hire? Would the woman be able to juggle between work, marriage, and kids, and what would be her top priorities? Do you consider her to be a bigger risk for the company, because she won’t be able to put in the required 110% effort? In most cultures, it is the woman who will pick up the kids from kindergarten/school, the one who stays at home when the kids are sick, and the one who will have to make sure all housework is done. This can be an enormous logistical challenge for her. As an IT leader, it’s my job to establish a flexible framework that provides equal opportunities and support for women with a family so that I can afford to hire the best candidates, regardless of their gender.

Roughly 25 years after learning the word “Powerfrau” I still have one question: How is this still a thing? I get that there are differences between the genders and rightly so. But how come we couldn't eliminate (or at least minimize) the prejudices that are coming from the patriarchy? How come we’re still in the grip of double standards? Uff, the feminist has spoken. By the way, why is the word feminism a curse word? I’d love to hear from your personal experiences.